How am I?

People have been asking how I've been doing... I'm doing ok. I'm having AWFUL back pain still because of the epidural, stress and bouts of too much standing up. I also had a small episiotomy, but luckily the pain isn't bad at all. I did get one hemi and that's actually the most painful. I haven't slept well since Tuesday night. I'm tired and have realized I've reached my limit. We are staying with Luke in the NICU again tonight then going home tomorrow. We are 1.5hrs from the hospital so it's tough for us to go before he's a little more stable. As long as things go the same as they are going right now, I will have no problem (as much as you can have "no problem" leaving your son behind) leaving him. I need to sleep in my own bed, shower and focus a little time on Grace. I think I keep forgetting that I only gave birth 48 hrs ago. I am taking it slow, and I make sure to sit next to Luke any time I'm in the room. I also take it easy during the day and we don't do much when we aren't with Luke. Kris is very mindful that I'm still recovering and he reminds me to eat and drink. He's been amazing! My mom's been awesome too because she's got Grace 100% of the time and doesn't even think twice about it. I don't have to worry about her which is awesome. I promise I'm taking it as easy as I can with having a baby in the NICU and a 1yr old at home. I will admit that I'm am not my 1st priority (or 2nd, 3rd...) but I am trying my hardest not to push myself too much. I am barely bleeding at all so I know my body is ok at the moment. My biggest issue now is wishing Luke wasn't here and didn't have to go through all this pain. He's 2 days old and has been through so much. I feel guilty that I couldn't keep him in longer. I am also dealing with comments that my OB said to me during delivery (saying that I was irresponsible for not telling him about my contractions even though I did multiple times!!!). I am also dealing with the post-pregnancy hormones. So it's tough but I'm ok... really. Haven't cried all day!!