Sleep

Oh sleep, where art thou...? Oh precious sleep. It's something so simple yet I am unable to obtain it. I feel like I have not slept through the night since I had Grace in August 2010. She was an awesome sleeper... At first that is!! She started STTN at 2 months old! It was amazing, but short lived. The 4 month wakeful started and we were screwed. For over a year!!! Screwed! I honestly can say that I don't miss much from my pre-kid life, but oh how I miss sleep!

Grace stopped STTN at 4 months and didn't start again until 13 months. She was up almost every night from 4 months to 13 months and sometimes it was for hours at a time. At 13 months we decided to do CIO with her and it was literally one of our best decisions! It saved our sanity. For 2 weeks we blissfully STTN with her... Then Luke was born 5 weeks early. We spent 4 nights in the hospital with him and no one STTN there. We spent the next 7 days worrying about him and wondering when he would come home from the NICU.

Kris can always sleep. It's rare that he's up, and when he is coffee is usually the culprit. He is the type of person who can be talking to you one second then he's snoring the next. If only I could bottle up some of that able-to-fall-asleep-in-an-instant juice. I would be free!! But alas I'm sitting here typing at 2am when I have to be up for church in 6 very short hours. And Kris... He's sleeping!! Of course!

So why am I awake? Because my husband stole the blankets AGAIN and I was cold. Then because Grace was up at 1am because she had pooped herself and she has a rash (of course! It won't go away) and she was in pain. On one of the very few nights I actually fell asleep before 12 my 18 month old is up. It's a cruel thing this sleep! A quick diaper change and some Motrin for her rash, some cuddles in the rocking chair and she's back in bed. I get back to bed and I have to take back the blankets again from Kris because he's stollen then again. And I'm lying here awake. Listening to Scout the dog of the monitor because apparently my daughter takes after me and can't get back to sleep either.

And Kris and Luke... They are sound asleep! One of the rare night my son decides to not play the pacifier game and be up every 1-2 hours, I'm awake! I am jealous. I was asleep just an hour ago and now I'm wide awake. The cruelty of sleep. And the funniest part is a I wish for sleep everyday but always get woken by Luke for his pacifier. But then on the rare nights he's asleep I wish for him to make a sound or cry because I need to know he's ok. It's a vicious cycle!

Most nights I lay awake until 2 or 3am then finally get to sleep, only to be woken up in 30 minutes by Luke. It's like he knows when I finally fall asleep! My mind just won't shut off. I think about selling our house, being able to pay down some bills, what house we may be renting once our house sells, what the kids' rooms will look like, how we will move, how Grace will adjust and many more things. It's not like I'm anxious or worried or sad, I just can't shut my brain off. It's been like this for so long. I think it's because I'm so used to being woken up I just can't get used to STTN.

So here's to sleep! Please come and let me go to sleep!! I feel like I may be able to go to sleep soon, but I guarantee you that Luke will be up as soon as I shut my eyes.